Why divorces are bad

Parents can also support their children during this difficult time by talking to them clearly about the divorce and its implications and answering their questions fully. Other, more general facets of good parenting can also buffer against divorce-related difficulties in children. Parents should provide warmth and emotional support, and they should closely monitor their children's activities. They should also deliver discipline that is neither overly permissive nor overly strict.

Other factors contributing to children's adjustment include postdivorce economic stability and social support from peers and other adults, such as teachers. In addition, certain characteristics of the child can influence his or her resilience.

Children with an easygoing temperament tend to fare better. Coping styles also make a difference. For example, children who are good problem solvers and who seek social support are more resilient than those who rely on distraction and avoidance. The good news is that although divorce is hard and often extremely painful for children, long-term harm is not inevitable. Most children bounce back and get through this difficult situation with few if any battle scars.

This article was originally published with the title "Is Divorce Bad for Children? Mavis Hetherington and John Kelly. Norton, Paul R. Amato in Family Relations , Vol. Arkowitz is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, and Lilienfeld is a psychology professor at Emory University. Send suggestions for column topics to editors SciAmMind. Already a subscriber?

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Rapid Recovery Divorce affects most children in the short run, but research suggests that kids recover rapidly after the initial blow. Grown-up Concerns The experience of divorce can also create problems that do not appear until the late teenage years or adulthood. Bouncing Back Even though children of divorce generally do well, a number of factors can reduce the problems they might experience.

But it's not as much compromise as you might initially fear, particularly when balanced with the many freedoms that newly divorced people suddenly realize they have. And it isn't just the little personal preference parts either—financially, many of my clients feel both a sense of fear and a sense of excitement when they realize that making decisions over large purchases and investment strategies are theirs alone.

It's far tougher to extricate yourself from the person to whom you've been married than you might have expected. Divorce is a major disruptor in one's life and can bring tons of stress—financial, emotional, even spiritual. But many people who go through it also describe feeling an incredible sense of relief.

Frontera , a divorce attorney and author of Divorce Dilemma. The divorce process and rebuilding my life took over all the fears that stopped me from leaving sooner and I am grateful for the experience. Frontera says her divorce allowed her to turn the page on the pain of the past, releasing grudges and moving forward with a much greater feeling of freedom. Even in the case of a bitter divorce where there are plenty of bad feelings toward the end, those warm feelings you used to have for your ex don't just disappear, particularly since they're going through many of the same difficulties you are.

You expect to lose one of the most important relationships—if not the most important relationship—in your life during a split. But there's a good chance there will be some additional collateral damage as your marriage dissolves. Many of those who go through a divorce describe how mutual friends are often lost in the process. And it might not be a matter of a friend choosing one member of a couple over another so much as the change in dynamics.

If you usually went on couple dates, for example, the split can throw off the balance. But just as you lose some friendships during a divorce, you may find that other friends you hadn't seen much in recent years come back into your life. Divorce often means you have more time than you did before, and you're more likely to spend that time with friends and family who you may have lost touch with. Newly divorced people are often astounded by the amount of free time they suddenly have.

It turns out, being married is very time consuming. Even those with kids will find they have more time on their own as the children split their days and weekends between parents.

Ashley describes how that newfound "me" time can lead a divorced person to feel a stronger sense of their own identity, separate from the relationship that was once central to their life. While each member of the former couple will have more time to themselves, they will definitely miss their kids in a big way.

When you've been used to having your children around at all times, their absence will be felt powerfully after your divorce. Eventually, you'll realize that this time means longer hours of sleep, relaxation, and a time to rediscover yourself. Sure, the instability brought about by divorce can be difficult for children, but the effects are not all negative. In fact, in some cases, parents find that they actually raise their game as a parent as a result of having more limited time with them.

MacCall even says that divorce can lead you to become a better parent. You will probably see your ex boost their parenting efforts, too. True or false: half of all American marriages end in divorce?

Divorce is a difficult and painful process that should not be resorted to lightly. But it is not a sentence of doom for either adults or children, and it often rescues people from situations that can inflict much worse long-term damage. Many problems attributed to divorce actually lie in problems with the marital and parenting relationships that were evident years before the divorce, while others arise when parents increase their conflict after a divorce, especially when they involve the children, asking them to keep secrets or bad-mouthing the other parent.

For example, moving a child, especially a teenager, to a new school halfway through the year is more predictive of that youngster developing antisocial behavior than divorce per se. Here are other things people need to know: Divorce rates are actually falling, especially for college-educated couples. For those who do divorce, no-fault laws are not the problem. Since then, despite the spread of such laws, divorce rates have leveled off or fallen. Averages mask substantial variations.

Since most people recover well after divorce, even a small number who do poorly can create a false sense of risk for everyone else. Divorce is one of the worst things any couple can do from a financial perspective. Hence, divorce implies a 60 percent living standard decline for both spouses, other things equal and assuming that each spouse experiences the same percentage living standard reduction.

And this is just the loss associated with discretionary spending, like food and clothing and entertainment. Divorce also requires having two, rather than one homes, two rather than one electric bills, the list goes on. This is why we have introduced a service called Analyze My Divorce Settlement.

This service tells each party exactly how they will fare after they get divorced, not just for a year or two, but over the longer term. It depends on what type of marriage they were in and what type of circumstances they face after divorce.

The financial situation depends on how many children couples have, who has custody, if people have been working continuously before they divorced, and what type of job prospects they have. Since women are more likely to earn less than men, and more likely to have primary custody of children, they can face a reduction in their standard of living after a divorce, while men who are not custodial parents may have an increase in their standard of living.

Of course, this is only on average, and how people will fare financially will depend on their individual situation. Professor of Sociology , Iowa State University. Divorce remains one of the most stressful life events there are, and it does negatively affect the well-being of adults and children, financially, academically, professionally, and emotionally.